Numb
by Friend of Shippou
Summary: A songfic, my first one, to the song Numb by Linkin Park. Inu Yasha reflects on his past relationship with Kikyo.


Inu Yasha sat on a high branch in a tree and stared unseeing out over the horizon. He had settled there to think. Think about all the things that had happend to him since he became unsealed. The group had been doing well lately and the shards that now sat fused together on a chain on Kagome;s chest was steddily growing larger. He sat in his tree for a long time his thoughts wandering. He was completely oblivious to the noise his companions were making. They had paused there journey for the day and were now setting up camp. Being constantly hunting for the jewel shards tended to bring up painful memories of a certain miko. Kikyo, the first woman he fell in love with, or so he had thought at the time. Looking back he wasn't sure if it if he really had been in love with her or if it had just been a crush. A big crush but still just that, and not really love at all.   
  
He remembered teh first time he had met her. She had spared his life and he found friendship in her that he had been missing since his mother passed away.   
  
"Kikyo." he sighed unhappily. He had been so desperate for friendship, for someone to love and to have love him tha he had fooled himself into thinking Kikyo had been that person. And maybe she thought she had loved him, but she had always wanted to change him. Never excepting him, selfishly trying to change him into a human so she could be too.' If Naraku hadn't interfered I wonder if we would have lasted.' He mused to himself. 'Probably not' he thought. They had both just been lonely nad needed a friend. Once both of them had become "normal" from the jewels power they probably wouldn't have needed each other anymore. Thinking therse sad thoughts brought to mind a song he had heard Kagome play on a contraption she had brought through the well with her. It was called a a Discman and it had been playing an American song called Numb. Kagome had explained the words to him; it really expressed what he was feeling now. Inu Yasha sat still in his tree and pondered these lyrics for a while.  
  
I'm tired of being what you want me to be  
feeling so faithless  
lost under the surface  
I don't know what your expecting of me  
put under the pressure  
of walking in your shoes  
[caught in the under tow just caught in the under tow]  
  
It was like the song was written about them. Kikyo didn't except him the way he was, a hanyou, she had always wanted him to change to a human like her.   
  
I've become so numb  
I can't feel you there  
become so tired  
so much more aware  
I'm becoming this  
all I need to do  
is be more like me  
and be less like you  
  
Numb. Yes he was going numb towards her. If he had only said no to her stupid plan. He would never had been trapped on this tree and Kikyo might not have died. 'But,' a voice in the back of his mind reminded him. 'you might not have met Kagome otherwise or any of the others.'  
  
Can't you see that you're smothering me?  
holding to tight still afraid to loose control  
'cause everything that you thought I would be  
is falling apart  
right in front of you  
  
"That's an understatement" he muttered bitterly. If only she could have just excepted me, not been so selfish.  
  
I've become so numb  
I can't feel you there   
become so tired  
so much more aware  
I'm becoming this  
all I need to do  
is become more like me  
and be less like you  
  
Although, the blame couldn't all land on Kikyo for the disaster. He hadn't listened, hadn't protected her enough... he had failed her, disappointed her.  
  
And I know  
I may end up failing too  
and I know  
you were just like me  
with someone  
disappointed in you  
  
I've become so numb  
I can't feel you there  
become so tired  
so much more aware  
I'm becoming this  
all I need to do  
is be more like me  
and be less like you.  
  
"Inu Yasha" his friends called interupting his thoughts.  
"Dinner."   
"We're having ramen." Kagome added.  
Inu Yasha lept down from his tree and hurreid over to the camp his friends had set up.   
It was time for him to get over the past. He couldn't change it, and in a way that was alright. Things had worked out for the better in the end. He had new friends now. Friends who excepted him for who he really was not what he could be.  
  
I hope you liked my songfic. It was my first one and I have always wanted to try my hand at writting something. Please tell me what you thought. Thanks for R&R. 


End file.
